All anyone ever wants is to know they are loved and supported. You would be surprised how far one can go just by knowing they have someone in their corner. In my case, that “someone” would be my whole family.

We continue to believe deeply that the requirement and urgency to act in addressing anti-black racism rests with all of us… and that our collective actions must extend far beyond Black History Month.

Before his last offence, he was still asking us if we would take him back when he gets out of the centre. What do you say to your child, who you have always wanted and supported even when he became so unpredictable?

CW… Some may say that is a bit too graphic or an unnecessary detail… but I’m here to share my story.

Divorce is far from an ideal situation, but as the saying goes: “When Mom is well, the kids are well.”

It’s taboo to say it, naming it makes us feel guilty, but this placement changed our lives for the better. It also saved my life.

Consider a dictionary definition of the word holiday: “a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done”. Wow. I am fairly certain that if I go with this definition, I have not had a holiday since 2001 (the last year that I was child free).

Putting up tinsel and garland, pulling out the Christmas scented soaps, plugging in colourful lights, hanging the word JOY over her bed. She LOVES Christmas. I… do not.

When entering this new world, this new home, you are never navigating your demons alone.

I often feel like I am a disappointment because I could not be everything she needed. But then I remember, long ago, that we promised to support Stephanie in becoming the happiest person she can be. And we have done that. By never giving up, and always doing what is best for her.

Within your daily chaos, between the appointments and advocating, don’t forget to take a moment to remember your why, to do small things, to remind each other that under the pile of clothes, dirty dishes and diapers, is your relationship. And until you get there: pop, pop, milk, salad.

Finally, in a coffee shop, I met with the woman through whom I have the greatest gift. Slowly, our nervousness lifted—or mine at least, I cannot speak for her, but I think we both warmed up a little. As we shared photos and stories our common admiration grew.

Because none of this is about giving up or breaking down. It all about finding solutions that are best for our children, supporting individual mental health needs, and setting our expectations to ensure success, not failure.

Every year, 800-1000 young people are graduated out of the Ontario system and foster families are no longer given support to keep them in their homes. Youth themselves are given very little assistance and the programs and services available, sadly, are just overwhelmed and not enough.

I have walked, and continue to walk, the fence between two cultures.

But things are what they are, and as we witness what has been unfolding these past weeks with black communities in North America and beyond, I have found myself hopeful enough to think that we could transform this society so that it’s better and fairer for everybody.

What is it like to feel like you’re drowning? It is slow and fast at the same time. It is surreal, almost like you can see outside yourself and know what is happening to you, yet you have little control over it.

As a mom of five grown children, and foster mother to twenty-two amazing kids through the years, I can tell you this—your child, right now, is creating memories of this period in time that will stay with them forever. They are very unlikely to remember the how and why of this pandemic, but they will remember the feelings that they had during this time.

Our battle with AFCCA is ongoing. We have learned skills; some that help, some that didn’t. We are no longer afraid to call CAS and 911 weekly. We know that our son’s behaviours don’t define his love for us, something that was very hard to accept.

Our youngest daughter started her life with us by crying the entire hour-long drive home.