Pop, Pop, Milk, Salad
By Kathryn Connors, Community Engagement Liaison and Adopt4Life Community Parent
This blog is dedicated to my husband, on our 10 year anniversary.
My husband and I are raising multiple kids, some with complex needs. Like many other parents, it has been some of the hardest and best days of our lives. In the early days of having 3 young kids, the never-ending cycle of sleepless nights, tantrums, feeding, attachment needs, and appointments took over.
We went from thriving to barely surviving.
In the chaos of our daily life, it was easy to lose sight of being a married couple—to remember that this was what we had hoped and prayed for, for years, as we went through fertility treatments and suffered 4 traumatic miscarriages. When we were matching with our little ones, we thought we were prepared for life. I mean, we read all the books and took all the training!
Life came at us quickly, and we were sent on this whirlwind adventure called parenting, and we realized how naïve we truly were.
We often hear from friends and family the same phrase “I don’t know how you do it”, and the answer; neither do we. We do what any parent would, while desperately trying to hang onto our connection as a couple.
One day, we thought we would treat our family to take out food for dinner. We all piled in the car. Our eldest, who has severe disabilities, hates car rides, became aggressive and screaming. Our son with complex needs and sensory issues, was triggered by our eldest, yelled and cried his little lungs out. The baby—not wanting to feel left out of course—wailed and shrieked in her car seat, refusing any of my attempts to soothe her. Yes, a wonderful and memorable family outing. As we pulled up to the drive through, with kids in full tantrum mode, my husband tries to order… to no avail. Finally, out of frustration, and defeat he shouts: “Pop, pop, milk, salad!” Not our order. Not what we wanted. Not even sure where that came from. We looked at each other bewildered at our current situation. “Pop, pop, milk salad?” I repeated. Is that what you ordered for dinner? The two of us break down in laughter, unable to control ourselves, as we pull up to the window to retrieve our order. The kids fully melting down in the back, and us laughing so hard we could barely talk. The look on the employee’s face is something that I will remember for the rest of my life. We eventually got our order figured out, got home, kids settled and ate dinner.
Somehow amid the mayhem, we were able to find us again. We continue to have sleepless nights, and our children’s care needs are as great as ever, but among it all, we have each other. Our life is not all sunshine and rainbows, it is something that we need to work on daily. Some nights, we don’t even say “good night” but “good luck” as we switch off for nighttime duty to keep an eye on our eldest who needs constant monitoring. We have not had a date night out in years, but we know that it won’t always be this way.
Within your daily chaos, between the appointments and advocating, don’t forget to take a moment to remember your why, to do small things, to remind each other that under the pile of clothes, dirty dishes and diapers, is your relationship. And until you get there: pop, pop, milk, salad.
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