Let’s Talk About Permanency
By Princess
CW…
What is permanency? Well, an online definition might be a person or a thing that remains unchanged indefinitely. 4-year-old me would disagree. As I watched my baby sister’s eyes roll to the back of her head, I wish I could say I quickly realized people are NOT permanent… but it took 3 days before someone finally moved her body from our townhouse. Leaving 4-year-old me VERY confused. And so began my journey into the child welfare system.
Some may say that is a bit too graphic or an unnecessary detail… but I’m here to share my story. The image of my sister has stayed with me for my whole life and I associate it with going into care. I could write a fluff piece and tell you all, “my life was a little hard at the beginning”. But that would be an understatement, and I would like to stay as authentic as I can. Otherwise, what is the point of having a platform?
Picture this, you’re 6 years old and you are being told by your foster parents that someone will be coming to get you in 20 minutes to take you to your new home. What is the first thing you’d grab? Some clothes, your favourite blanky and some toys, maybe? I would take 5 minutes to figure out what to pack and then it would hit me, I came into care with nothing but the clothes on my back. When you’re being moved from one foster home to another, you don’t tend to have many belongings. So, I would pack my little bag of clothes and anxiously wait for someone to get me. Foster home after foster home, I noticed that the time I was given to get ready got shorter and shorter. Sometimes I wouldn’t even have time to prepare because I would be moved while I was sleeping. Imagine going to sleep in one bed and waking up to a completely different family. This happened a few too many times.
I have lost count of how many foster homes I had been in by the age of 7. If you asked 7-year-old me what permanency is, I would tell you it’s a fairy-tale land that can only exists in your dreams.
I have searched for the answer to the question “What is permanency?” all my life. I am now 25 and I have finally figured it out. Permanency is whatever you want it to be. For me, it’s the feeling of finally feeling safe. I was adopted at age 14 but I’ve been with my family since I was 9. Knowing the ground won’t be pulled out from under me, yet again. The unconditional love and support are the cherries on top.
We all have our own journey. What does permanency mean to you?
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