After Winter, Comes Spring: From One Depressed Mama to Another
By an Adopt4Life Community Caregiver
It's the cycle of life; after winter comes spring. It can be a difficult season for adoptive, kin and customary care families, uncertain about the future and adjusting to ever changing roles as our children grow to new stages and phases – but it is also an incredibly hopeful one. As parents, we comfort ourselves with knowing there is always something bright on the horizon even amidst tribulations and struggle. Though there are hills and valleys in every season, relaxation and joy can still exist—and here I will focus on how to make them central in your journey as you come out of winter into spring, even when it feels like an impossible journey.
As a parent living with depression, it's often been difficult to stop and enjoy the little moments, knowing that they are only little once, seeing my children change and grow. So scared I'll miss out on the big moments, but also painfully aware how my own mental health needs, need to be addressed. So, what do you do, when the guilt of living with a mental illness can create such barriers in bonding and enjoyment? Well, my friend, you lean in, and you lean on.
You lean into your needs: you take the time, you sleep, you learn what self-care truly is to you and you stop shaming yourself for not being the parent that you hoped to be. It’s so easy to keep yourself in the cycle of shame and guilt. So, in case you haven’t heard this today, you are an amazing person, who can do amazing things - even on the days you can't get out of bed. Your worth is not defined on how many insta-worthy pictures that you share.
You also lean on: on your spouse, family, friends, community, and mental health professionals. You remember that winter is a time to slow down, turn in, and take things one day, or one second at a time. You remember that spring is always around the corner – and that with enough self and community care, you can be the parent you were really meant to be, not just the made up one that you’ve had in your head. You remember that everyone struggles, and that reaching out for help can be one of the bravest things that you can do.
Friend, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not doing enough, know that you are taking care of yourself the best way you can in this moment. You are worthy and deserving of self-care and community support. Take a step back, breathe, and remember that winter always gives way to spring.
The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations.
