When a Glass Child becomes a Glass Parent
By an Interwoven Community Parent
Growing up, I learned the term “glass child” to describe kids who have siblings with disabilities or significant mental health challenges. Like a window that’s crystal clear, glass children are often overlooked because so much attention is focused on their sibling’s needs. While they may appear strong and resilient, glass children can feel unseen, their own needs fading into the background.
I was one of those glass children. My sibling struggled with significant mental health challenges, and while I knew my parents did everything they could, there were times when I felt invisible. Although my sister was 8 years older, my role was often to be the peacemaker, the helper, and the one who didn’t need anything extra. I learned to be quiet about my own struggles, putting my sibling’s needs first without even thinking about it.
When my partner and I first started the adoption process, we never imagined ourselves raising a child with complex needs. We were eager to become parents, but we didn’t think this path would lead us to parenting a child whose needs would be so profound and life-changing. But life had other plans, and here we are, 11 years later, navigating a journey that feels both familiar and brand new.
I find myself not only drawing from my experiences as a glass child but also facing the reality that my other children—my beautiful, resilient kids who have already faced so much in their young lives—have become glass children, too. They love their sibling deeply, but they, too, have had to adapt to a world where one person’s needs often overshadow their own. It’s a dynamic I know all too well, and it breaks my heart to see history repeating itself in my family.
Supporting the Glass Children in My Life
Being a glass child taught me compassion, patience, and resilience—qualities that are incredibly important as a glass parent. I know the feeling of being unseen, and it’s something I work hard to avoid with my own children. Here’s what I’m doing to support them:
Creating Space for Their Voices: I make sure to have one-on-one time with my other children, even if it’s just a few minutes a day to check in, hear about their day, and let them share whatever is on their mind. I want them to know that their feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Acknowledging Their Experience: I tell them that it’s okay to feel frustrated, sad, or overlooked sometimes. We talk openly about what it’s like to have a sibling who needs extra care, and I make sure they know that it’s okay to express their feelings.
Celebrating Their Individuality: I celebrate their achievements and make time for their interests, whether it’s going to their soccer games, art shows, or just spending time together doing what they love. I want them to feel valued for who they are, not just as a sibling.
Encouraging Self-Care: I teach them that it’s okay to set boundaries, say no, and take time for themselves. We practice self-care together, and I let them know that they don’t always have to be the strong one.
Seeking Outside Support: Sometimes, it’s helpful to have someone outside of the family to talk to. Whether it’s a counselor, a mentor, or a trusted friend, I encourage my children to have their own support system where they can be heard and understood.
A message for fellow glass parents:
If you’re a glass parent, I see you. This journey is tough, and balancing the needs of all your children can feel overwhelming. But remember, your experience as a glass child gives you a unique perspective. You know what it feels like, and that understanding can help you support your own glass children in ways that matter.
Give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can in a situation that has no easy answers. Lean on your community like Interwoven, seek support, and know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to ask for help—for you and for your children.
You are seen. You are heard. You are not alone.
The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Interwoven Connections. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations.