A Summer of Childhood: Lessons from My Child with Complex Needs
By an Interwoven Connections Community Caregiver
Having a child with complex needs has always meant a life full of appointments, therapies, and medications. The constant cycle of medical care often overshadowed the simpler joys of childhood. Over the years, I've watched parts of her childhood disappear amidst the numerous doctor visits and therapy sessions. This summer, after years of non-stop appointments, we decided to do something drastic (at least for us). We chose to give our child a summer of pure, unadulterated childhood.
Of course, my "mama brain" has been in overdrive with worries about what might happen if she loses skills or doesn’t learn something new. But every time I see her smile and hear her laughter, I'm reminded of why we made this decision. Here are the top 4 lessons my child with complex medical needs taught me this summer about being a kid:
1. Embrace the Moment: One of the first things I noticed was how my child lives in the present. She doesn't worry about the next appointment or the upcoming therapy session. Instead, she enjoys the now—whether it’s splashing in the pool, watching her favourite movie for the 500th time, or going for walks in her wheelchair. This summer taught me the importance of embracing the moment and finding joy in the present.
2. Find Joy in the Simple Things: Complex needs often mean complex routines. But this summer, we discovered the beauty of simplicity. My child found immense joy in activities like playing with bubbles, asking for tickles and eating ice cream on a hot summer day. It’s a powerful reminder that happiness doesn't always come from grand plans or expensive outings but from simple, everyday moments.
3. Strength in Determination: I've always known my child to be stubborn in her own right, but this summer highlighted it in new ways. Even when faced with physical limitations or challenges, she found ways to adapt and enjoy herself. Her determination to participate in every activity, in a way that’s meaningful to her, is a humbling reminder of the strength we all have within us — especially on the hard days.
4. Balancing Caregiving and Parenting: Being my child’s caregiver has often impacted my ability to simply be her parent. The constant focus on medical needs sometimes made it hard to just enjoy her company and share in her joys. This summer, I learned the importance of finding a balance. By stepping back from the caregiver role at times, I was able to connect with her more deeply as a parent and share in the pure joys of her childhood.
It hasn't always been easy. There have been meltdowns and bad days when the absence of our usual routines felt overwhelming. But even on those tough days, we found moments of joy and determination that made it all worthwhile. But that being said, this summer has been a beautiful, transformative experience for our family. By allowing my child to simply be a kid, we’ve all learned invaluable lessons about joy, determination, and the power of living in the moment. Her medical needs will always be a part of our lives, but this summer taught us that they don’t have to define her childhood. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.
If you are a fellow adoptive parent looking for support in raising your child with complex needs, I urge you to connect with others who get it. Join Interwoven Connections here: https://interwovenconnections.ca/for-parents-caregivers
The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations.