Why we need Time to attach

By Cathy Murphy, Chairperson Child and Youth Permanency Council of Canada Director, NACAC Board of Directors Adoptive parent

There was a time not so long ago when our children (now young adults) joined our family through adoption. Each of our children with their own unique needs and strengths. 

I have had the honour of working with thousands of adoptive families, kinship and customary caregivers across Canada. I have learned that every child and youth need time to adapt and adjust to their new setting and family. They will need time to begin to attach. Before this can happen, trust must be built. Many children and youth have learned to mistrust. Their world may not have been predictable or safe. They may form anxious attachments or have difficulty forming any attachment at all because of the many caregivers in their lives. We can build trust by meeting our child or youth's needs over and over again and "showing up" for them time after time. Slowly, very slowly, they may begin to realize we are dependable and reliable and may be worthy of their trust. The attachment process begins with trepidation and will be tested many times over the weeks, months and years to come. 

Every permanency family, whether customary caregiver, kinship caregiver or adoptive parent(s) has their own unique circumstances. Some parents will have time to prepare for the child or youth to join their family and others will have this happen quickly, sometimes without warning because of circumstances beyond the child or youth's control. They will need resources, support and connections to their community, which are essential to support their growing family and their child or youth's own unique and individual needs. 

What is Time to Attach? It is an additional 15-week attachment leave for customary caregivers, kinship caregivers and adoptive parents. It is calling upon the Canadian government to treat all families fairly and equally - equitable treatment. Truth be told our children and youth need much more than an additional 15-week attachment leave, but by delivering this attachment leave, the Government of Canada would be standing up for families who are supporting their children and youth's needs when they join their family through adoption, kinship, or customary care. 

I am advocating for Time to Attach because it matters to children, youth and their families. We would ask you to please contact your local Member of Parliament (MP) and tell them why #timetoattach is important for you and your family. Please share your story and join us in advocating for this change to our EI system! Our children and youth need this time to attach! 

The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations. Our #timetoattach campaign continues with the aim to adapt public policy to introduce 15 weeks of parental leave (attachment leave) for adoptive parents and kin and customary caregivers. As we, along with Western University and the Adoption Council of Canada, have worked to bring awareness to this important support required for families and children, it has been so important to share the real experiences of parents and their children as they sought to form healthy and lasting attachments. Find out how to share your story.