How I Pulled Myself Out of Compassion Fatigue

By Mother of a Hidden Pearl 

Berated, battered, and beaten down—that’s how I felt when I placed the call. 

“Hello…” answered the Adoption Supervisor from the Children’s Aid Society. Her friendly voice triggered my emotions. “Hi,” I squeaked in an unusually high octave. “Who is this?” she asked. Silence lingered as tears flowed down my cheeks. After a few seconds, which felt like an eternity, I gained composure and explained my situation. 

Her response didn’t surprise me: “You’re at risk for Compassion Fatigue.” The prolonged stress of enduring my daughter’s disrespect, defiance, and dysregulation had taken its toll. It suppressed my full capacity to love and show empathy. Hope of restoring my vibrant inner being faded. I naturally clung to every suggestion the supervisor offered.  

I pursued her ideas and kept persevering until the seemingly impossible task of rejuvenating myself became possible. Here’s what worked for me:  

• Educate. Who wouldn’t want some extra “tools in their toolkit” to deal with their child’s behaviours? The supervisor helped me seek expert advice. I enrolled in a PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy) workshop offered by two counsellors experienced in adoption. I then pursued networking opportunities, support groups (in-person and via social media), therapy, helpful books, and more workshops.  

The information I gathered empowered me to deal with my daughter’s behaviours and underlying needs. A more contented child and a compassion-filled parent ensued. 

• Energize. The necessity of self-care is important. The supervisor asked me, “What are you doing for yourself?” The question prompted me to prioritize self-care. I have since discovered that some forms of self care are more beneficial than others. Relaxing forms of self- care, such as taking a bath, feel good in the moment but does not sustain me. However, energizing forms of self-care lifts my spirit and nourishes me long term. Watching The Bachelor on a weekly basis with a friend energized me in ways I never expected. The friendship, the show’s suspense, and the laughs we shared livened me. I would even argue it improved my Compassion Fatigue situation the most.  

What excites and energizes you? When you find it, prioritize it.  

• Escape. Respite offers an escape from the day-to-day grind. It refreshes the soul. I find it better equips me to show compassion, lavish love, and model patience. I’ve sought out many respite options for my daughter: after-school daycare, camps, church programs, sleepovers with family and friends, and time with a mentor (an older girl). I realize COVID-19 makes respite challenging. You may need to persevere and be resourceful. I recently called someone I knew who had a lull in her fostering schedule, and boldly asked if she would be willing to provide respite. She jumped at the opportunity and welcomed my daughter with open arms. What a blessing.  

  Perhaps some of these options will inspire ideas for you? 
  

For more articles by Mother of a Hidden Pearl, visit ahiddenpearl.com 

The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations.