Growing Up with a Parent with FASD
My father grew up in an era where drinking while pregnant wasn’t second guessed. The term FASD wasn’t something that was talked about. So, it wasn’t until my father had reached senior status that he reached out to officially receive a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
As a teen, my dad had run ins with law enforcement, was deemed a “bad kid”, and was kicked out of high school before graduating. He spent time in and out of foster care and in and out of jail. His siblings describe him as always being loyal, very supportive and protective of others.
At the age of 20, he met my mom through a mutual friend, and the rest, as it’s said, is history.
Growing up, my dad made impulsive decisions. As a kid it was super fun and exciting, but he often got my mother mad at him for not fully thinking things through. He could get angry easily, so we learned when to leave him alone, or give him space. He also battled alcoholism which at times, made the anger worse. For us, it was normal. My mother took care of the finances, remembered birthdays and helped us with our homework. My dad did the grocery shopping, cooking and always played with us. He excelled at things that were routine, things with the same level of expectation.
As my siblings and I got older, and my father became a grandfather, we saw a huge shift in his desire to connect more, to understand our kids needs. Being involved in his grandchildren’s lives sparked the desire to understand why his brain works the way it does. He isn’t able to read well but can answer complicated math problems in the blink of an eye. He isn’t able to tell us how old we are, or our birth dates, but was first in line on all my school trips, taught me how to ride my bike and how to make a killer Caesar salad.
I remember the day he sat me down to tell me that he has FASD. It seemed like all the pieces came together. I grieved thinking of the hardships he encountered his entire life, the missed support and opportunities. I also was ecstatic that my father would now have a better understanding of how his brain works. We have learned so much as a family, how we can best support him.
For FASD awareness month, I wanted to take a moment to share my story, one that many people don’t hear about. Like many families we experienced challenges and have learned to do things differently, but it’s our family—I wouldn’t have it any other way. FASD has made my father into an extremely compassionate, caring, and loving person, and I am honoured to call myself his child. My hope for the future is that with earlier diagnoses and support, more people will be able to live enriched lives to their full potential. FASD can be hard, frustrating, and difficult, but its also people, family and love.
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