AFCCA Blog Series: Blog 4

By Tanya Eichler

An Argument for Inconvenience

I began working with children with complex needs over 25 years ago. Over the years, one thought has consistently resurfaced:

Our society values convenience and efficiency. We expect answers and results immediately. You can see this in everyday moments—when a computer lags or when audio takes a moment to connect on a Zoom call. The stress and frustration are palpable. Have you ever waited a few extra minutes in a drive-through for your order, only to find it incorrect? Even the thought of such situations can evoke impatience, frustration, and anger.

It’s easy to see why our society prioritizes efficiency and convenience. It appears to save time and money. Waiting is hard. We desire tidy, resistance-free lives. In Western, Eurocentric cultures, hard work, goal orientation, and avoiding waste are moral imperatives. Efficiency is deemed a virtue; inefficiency, a vice.

Yet, ironically, humans aren’t designed to be efficient—nor are relationships. In fact, our obsession with efficiency often creates stress, frustration, and intolerance, fracturing relationships and undermining the quality of services.

Consider three inherently inefficient aspects of life: emotions, mental health challenges, and disabilities. These are often viewed as inconvenient because they seemingly interfere with efficiency. Though we may not explicitly say so, our reluctance to accommodate feelings or disabilities often stems from the time and resources they require.

In my work with AFCCA (Aggression towards Family and Caregivers in Childhood and Adolescence), trauma, mental health, and disabilities are closely linked to children who use aggression when overwhelmed by emotions. Families seeking services often face systems designed around efficiency and convenience—but for the agencies and workers, not the families. This makes sense in a resource-limited environment, but it fails to address the extraordinary and complex needs of these children.

When programs prioritize efficiency, they rarely allocate sufficient time or resources to address complexity effectively. Instead, they cut corners and force families to repeatedly prove their need through extensive paperwork. Services are often provided at the agency’s convenience, not the family’s. As a result, those with complex needs frequently "fall through the cracks."

Advocating for exceptions is inherently inconvenient for everyone involved. Families often feel ashamed and apologetic for asking, while service providers grow frustrated with the additional demands. These dynamics foster condescension and dismissal, leaving caregivers overwhelmed and hopeless as they encounter yet another closed door.

Caregivers of children with special needs also feel the societal pressure for efficiency. Raising any child is challenging, but children with trauma or neurodiversity require extra time, patience, and understanding. These needs often disrupt attempts to maintain a neat, orderly life, and they frequently come with significant financial costs. Many parents find their careers stalled by the demands of appointments and meetings.

I wanted to write about this topic because I believe we often overlook a critical point about efficiency and convenience. Qualities like patience, tolerance, and creativity only develop when we confront inconvenience and inefficiency. We all can become stronger by facing and moving through difficulty, but only if there are opportunities for recovery and support within the demand. The families I work with exemplify this. They are some of the most remarkable individuals I know because they have navigated ineffective systems while supporting children who often express themselves in challenging ways. They may not see themselves as patient or creative, but I see it in their compassion for one another and their tireless efforts to help their children.

How can we encourage systems and professionals to challenge their parameters and learn to tolerate inefficiency? Can we help them see that the creativity and patience required to accommodate complex needs can ultimately improve service for all clients? Is there a way to reduce blame on unusual or complex cases by recognizing that rigid responses often stem from the stress of change?

Those individuals and families who fall through the cracks represent a loss of the opportunity to see individuals. The opportunity to be innovative and learn from innovation is lost. In many ways, this becomes a backwards journey because when we do things simply because “that is how it is done”, we tend to ignore new information and growth opportunities.  Ironically, becoming stronger (more effective/efficient) can best be accomplished by first facing a problem that doesn’t fit and collaboratively looking for creative solutions. Recognizing and attempting to serve the “outliers” in our systems can be a source of strength and invigoration that inspires research, creativity, bringing life and wisdom to the systems and staff that support the unique, complex children and families we know.

While these are lofty goals, perhaps we can start by rethinking our personal reactions to inconvenience. When frustration arises, take a breath and consider the cost of prioritizing efficiency: impatient, intolerant, and rigid people and systems. Instead, let’s practice gratitude when things don’t go perfectly. Inefficiency might just be the teacher we need.